A Rescued Life: Finding Holy Hope in a Loving Lord

By Mercedes Seals

Jesus has saved my life and redeemed me in more ways than one. He has been glorified through my testimony in many ways. Because my testimony glorifies Him, I’m not afraid to share it. There’s no reason for feeling shame anymore.

Everything that happens to you does not have to be in vain. I hold onto the promise of God working everything together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them (Romans 8:28). These are a few examples of God keeping that promise to me.

All my life, I’ve been known to be more sensitive, more emotional than most people. I feel everything much more intensely than the average person. All my life, I’ve only ever seen that as a weakness — my greatest weakness in fact.

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 “Feeling everything so strongly doesn’t have to be considered a weakness if you know how to express it in a godly way.”

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But the closer I got to Jesus, the more I realized that Christ had given me the gift of seeing God’s children and creation through His eyes. I saw that I was becoming quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). I stopped believing in the lie that you shouldn’t cross oceans for someone who wouldn’t cross puddles for you.

Because Jesus would. He did. He died for everyone knowing that some people would never accept Him. His love is that strong. Feeling everything so strongly doesn’t have to be considered a weakness if you know how to express it in a godly way.

A New Home in Christ’s Love

When I was 14, I started to convince myself that I was attracted to girls. At the time, all of my friends labeled themselves as gay. The world had become more accepting of the LGBT community. As a kid who didn’t feel she belonged anywhere, this community seemed like something I thought I could be part of. Everything was so inclusive, and everyone seemed so proud of themselves for showing their “true selves.” I thought, “Maybe this is why I feel so different from everyone else.”

Once I gave my life to Christ, I realized that the community didn’t feel like home anymore. I realized it was never my home in the first place, and the whole idea of it was so backwards to me. Their love is about pride, being proud of loving someone society feels like they shouldn’t. Christ’s love is about being humble enough to admit that He loves us even when we did nothing to deserve it — even when we feel He shouldn’t love us.

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 “I can’t allow anyone to tell me how I should live my life or what I should believe unless it is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

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Abuse and Forgiveness

Growing up, my father was narcissistic and abusive in more ways than one. When it came to my mother and stepmother, I knew it was wrong for him to do such a thing. With my brother, I used to think it was different because they were both male. The truth is that a fist is a fist, and the intentions were the same. My father never took responsibility for anything he did because he viewed everything as happening to him. He had a gift of making me feel sorry for him and guilty for not wanting to be around him.

I felt stuck because I didn’t want anything to do with him, but I was the one considering his feelings and what he wanted. I was being the bigger person and taking care of him when it should’ve been the other way around. I was only a kid. It was only through Jesus that I found the ability to forgive him, but that didn’t mean I had to have a relationship with him.

Although I have forgiven my father for what happened, I can’t allow him to lead me astray. I can’t allow anyone to tell me how I should live my life or what I should believe unless it is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Honor and Hope

When I got to middle school, I started to be more aware of what I didn’t have compared to other girls: the skinny waist, big popular friend group, trendy clothes and shoes, etc. What really bothered me the most was the slender body. I wanted every part of my body to be sticklike (especially my stomach).

But, of course, indulging in Hot Cheetos and drinking Arizona Fruit Punch will give you a bit of a pooch. The sad thing is it wasn’t worth stressing about. A hoodie hid it just fine. Sizing up in shirts hid it just fine. But what were all the other girls wearing? Tight shirts with their bralettes showing and skinny jeans.

I thought, “How can I do that with this belly?” It was not too long after I heard about eating disorders. I told myself if I couldn’t do either, I’d punish myself. I found out about self-punishment the same way I found out about eating disorders. My plan was simple: eat what I want, get rid of it after. If I couldn’t do that, I would inflict self-punishment and force myself to wear long sleeves no matter how hot it was.

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 “He’s changed me, and I pray He continues to do so.”

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Throughout high school, the acts would slowly stop, but the thoughts didn’t. I thought they never would. I thought I would go back to them eventually. But Jesus said, “Enough.” I wasn’t going to be vandalizing my temple any longer (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). I admit that honoring God with my body is still something I struggle with to this day, but this time I have hope. I have the Holy Spirit within me. That’s enough.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t want to be alive anymore, yet I was afraid of dying. So I lived … with no hope, no purpose, no drive. But then Jesus met me where I was — alone, crying, in my room. He gave me hope. He showed me that I was looking for Him this whole time, that I could have Him right now, that I could keep Him.

Jesus rescued me from the hole that I dug for myself. I was on the path to destruction, but Jesus made a way for me. He gave me everything when I gave Him nothing. He wanted my life when I didn’t even want it. He’s changed me, and I pray He continues to do so.

I pray this testimony touches the heart of someone who might be going through the same circumstances. I pray the Lord uses this for His glory alone.

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