Adoption and the Image of the Gospel

By Heather Hails

I started working in the adoption field at 23 years old, so it is true to say that it has shaped my adult life. I remember sitting with the first birth parents I worked with as they said goodbye to their baby, and the nurse wheeled the baby out of the hospital room. An hour later, I sat with the adoptive parents as the same nurse brought the baby in. The depth of grief and joy that I observed in that hour marked me. I knew that the job I had stepped into held the weight of eternal significance in the life of an 8-pound baby.

As is no surprise, the issue of life is at the forefront in adoption. Women who choose to make adoption plans are choosing life for their child, when another option is available to them. What I did not anticipate is how God would use my profession to show me a greater vision of the gospel.

It is common in faith circles to talk about adoption as God’s idea and to celebrate that He adopted us into His family. Prior to witnessing adoption firsthand, that sentiment felt nice to me, but I had yet to grasp its depths. Over the years, I have come to see more deeply that the reality of my heavenly adoption hinges on a sacrifice. If Jesus had not come to earth and sacrificed His life, our eternal adoption could not have taken place.

When we look at earthly adoption, I think we miss a huge way that it images the gospel if we do not consider the sacrifice that birth mothers and fathers make in choosing adoption for their child. They are choosing to say that their child’s best interest is more important to them than their own grief and loss. They are willing to relinquish the day-to-day joys and challenges of parenting to a couple they are entrusting to love and cherish their child.

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“When we have a front-row seat to this kind of sacrificial love, it should change us as believers.”

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I’ve worked with hundreds of birth parents at this point in my career and have yet to meet one who did not and does not still love their child. Just as Ephesians 5:2 says, “…Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Adoption is always a sacrifice of love — whether earthly or eternal.

When we have a front-row seat to this kind of sacrificial love, it should change us as believers. Birth parents are owed the dignity and honor due to someone who will sacrifice in this way. Our organization believes in this dignity and has been walking that out for 125 years.

A Safe Haven

Founded on the plains of Oklahoma Territory in 1900, Deaconess Pregnancy & Adoption began in the hearts of a team of deaconesses from the Free Methodist Church who moved from Wichita, Kansas, to begin what was then the Oklahoma Rescue Home, committed to helping women get out of brothels and providing a home for them and their children. In 1910, they relocated the ministry to Oklahoma City and became known as “the Home where the light always burns.”

They provided a safe haven for women who found themselves in an unexpected pregnancy at a time where social stigma kept them on the fringes. The honoring spirit of these founders led to bringing in educators from the local school system so teenagers could complete high school and nursing training so they could leave the Home with a marketable skill.

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“Our desire to honor must take into account the lifelong impact that choosing sacrifice makes.”

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Ongoing Honor

As social opinion shifted and single parenting became less stigmatized and more resourced, our organization shifted our approach to providing honor through support groups for birth mothers and lifelong care. Just as our heavenly adoption is an eternal certainty, earthly adoption is not a onetime transaction. Adoption has a relational and generational impact. Our desire to honor must take into account the lifelong impact that choosing sacrifice makes.

Today, our honor takes the form of an annual birth mother retreat and frequent events and in the day-to-day creation of a safe space for women and men to come who are considering adoption. We serve the whole state and will drive to their communities and meet them in a place where they are comfortable. We see birth families from every walk of life, socioeconomic background, orientation, and race. Birth families can receive lifelong services from the agency, whether that be counseling, support, or search and reunion services. All are worthy of respect and honor. Our faith calls us to this.

Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us to “Follow God’s example … and walk in the way of love…” Sacrificial love is the heartbeat of adoption. I have watched this kind of love in action as a woman considers her options, chooses life and adoption, and says goodbye to her baby. I am forever changed by it. It is our joy as an agency to honor the women we serve and walk out God’s example of love.

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