Saying “I Do” to Jesus: My Calling to Singleness

By Ariel Bauder-Klay

A white dress and veil hang in my closet in anticipation of my consecration service for celibacy, all because I heard the Lord Jesus whisper to my heart during a time of prayer and fasting, “So do you want to make it official?”

The proposal hardly came under the most romantic of circumstances. I was actually on a clear liquid diet in preparation for a colonoscopy. That’s when I read something on the news that had me worried about our nation, so I figured if I was going to suffer by not having any solid food for two days, I might as well put my hunger pangs to good use and pray for my country.

As I lay quietly, my mind drifted to the latest sermon from my home church. My pastor described how a member of the congregation had gone through a ceremony in which she publicly declared she committed to lifelong celibacy for the Lord. I remember being pleasantly surprised to learn about such a ceremony in a Protestant church — something I had not witnessed in any church I attended.

My heart leaped when I heard the Lord whisper to me, asking if I wanted to “make it official,” because this answered a desire so deep, yet so tender I hadn’t dared speak it aloud — never mind pray for the desire of a little girl who fell in love with my Jesus when I was only 7 years old.

My Journey of Faith and Love

Even though I had gone to church since I was 4, I didn’t know much about Jesus until I saw the 1973 movie “Godspell.” In it I met Jesus, a Savior who was totally relatable and truly loved His followers. Jesus’ warmth in this movie meant a lot because, even at 7, I felt rejected for my undiagnosed autistic traits. In particular, I related to one song, “By My Side,” with its line directed at Jesus, “Where are You going? Can you take me with You? For my hand is cold and needs warmth.”

I fell in love with Jesus because of “Godspell.” I continued to attend church, ultimately getting baptized when I was around 12.

Unfortunately, I got hurt in church when I was 15 and stopped going altogether. Then when I was 17, God sent the most unlikely person to bring me back, an HIV-positive sex addict (who loved Jesus) named Tim Bauder. He accepted me with all my autistic quirks. We were married when I was 20, and I was completely devastated when he died when I was 24. (You can learn more about my life with Tim in my Light + Life article “When God’s Grace Meets AIDS.”)

I’m not proud of what happened next, but I was so heartbroken and in such financial hardship that I remarried six months after Tim died to a man I barely knew for a few weeks. I ignored all kinds of red flags that told me what kind of person he was. He had terrible mood swings, and it was not long before he was shamelessly unfaithful as well as emotionally, financially and verbally abusive — stomping on what little was left of the shreds of my heart after Tim died.

By the time I escaped him in 1997, I was convinced I was ugly and completely undesirable as a woman.

I moved in with a friend of mine, and she had some beautiful Christian worship music. One night when everyone else in the house had gone to bed, I was listening to one of these worship tapes when (I now believe) God gave me a vision.

In the vision, the Lord Jesus came to me and showed me He wanted to be a husband to me according to Isaiah 54:4–5, to not only meet my financial needs, but my emotional needs as well. He revealed that He extended His intense love for His corporate bride, His church, to me as an individual.

I would have loved to share this beautiful side of Jesus to my fellow believers. But I learned most were not ready to hear it, so for the next 25 years, I kept quiet about how I was in love with Jesus and that He was in love with me.

A Church Home and a Calling

I had no idea how much keeping this secret weighed me down until I joined the Free Methodist congregation Corralitos Community Church of Corralitos, California, in 2022. I slowly started hinting at how I loved Jesus as my husband — and then started saying I didn’t want an earthly marriage. I was so happy to discover Free Methodist support for recognizing the calling individuals like myself have to put whatever energy we might have put into marriage into serving the Lord and His church.

Now I’m excited as I anticipate the day I can “make it official,” when I publicly commit to living celibately as Jesus’ bride for the rest of my life and as part of His corporate wife for all eternity in the next.

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