Walking With the Wounded

By Ron Kuest

The longer you disciple, the more you’ll share holy ground with someone who’s hurting. Sickness, loss, betrayal, burnout, even the slow erosion of hope — pain visits every follower of Jesus. Our calling as intentional disciplers is not to remove that pain but to walk with our friend through it, making space for the Spirit to heal, re-story, and re-purpose the friend’s life in Christ. This is work for the long haul: prayerful, patient, other-centered, and steeped in Scripture.

In a culture that rushes to fix, explain, shame, or distract, believers who have intentionally placed themselves in the life of another can model a different way: stay, listen, lament, hope.

What follows is a field guide for walking with the wounded, and adapted from the Intentional Discipling framework.

1) Pain is often holy ground

Pain rarely feels like a pathway and certainly not a destination. But again and again, God turns detours into meeting places. Approach your friend’s suffering the same way. Elijah was burned out, afraid, and praying to die. He’s met first with food and rest, then a gentle whisper on the mountain. God doesn’t shame his exhaustion; He restores Elijah’s soul and renews his commission — pain becoming the doorway to a renewed purpose.

Remember Jesus’ question to the man at Bethesda: “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:1–9). We are not saviors; we are companions who create space for the Savior to heal the soul, mind, and heart as well as our temporal bodies.

Two guardrails help:

• Don’t rescue or rationalize. Minimizing pain short-circuits formation and shifts ownership from them to you.
• Ask gently, not diagnostically. Try: “What do you think this experience is teaching you about God?” or “Where do you sense His nearness — or silence — this week?” or “I’m curious, what is this time revealing about you?”

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 “Hope can be borrowed until it’s believed.”

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2) Presence beats prescription

Job’s friends began brilliantly: seven silent days (Job 2:13). Their error came when they explained. Romans 12:15 calls us to “mourn with those who mourn,” not to point out the obvious in their suffering. Offer quiet nearness, shared tears, and intercession before you ever offer ideas. Sentences like “I’m with you” and “I’m not going anywhere” do more than speeches.

3) Four common valleys — and how to walk them

• Sickness: Chronic illness rattles identity. Jesus never shamed the sick; He touched, comforted, and healed (Luke 5:12–13). Remind your friend that while “outwardly we are wasting away,” inward renewal is real (2 Corinthians 4:16). Invite lament, not performance. Help them name purpose within limits and receive grace for today.
• Death: Even knowing resurrection, Jesus wept (John 11:35). Dignify grief; don’t rush it. After listening well, you might ask, “What do you miss most?” or “What story do you want to keep telling about them?” We “do not grieve like the rest” (1 Thessalonians 4:13), but we still grieve.
• Self-inflicted wounds: Shame stalls growth. Follow Jesus’ restoration of Peter (John 21:15–17): call forth love and future, not just remorse. Anchor in Psalm 51:17 and 1 John 1:9. Help them name the lesson, repent of the behavior, receive forgiveness, repair what they can, and re-enter mission. Skip the “That wasn’t very smart” or ”What were you thinking?”
• Despair: When prayers feel hollow, lend your faith. The Psalms of lament (e.g., 42; 88) and Jesus’ cry from the cross (Matthew 27:46) give language for honest anguish. Sit in silence. Pray short prayers. Offer to carry one specific request each week. Keep showing up. Hope can be borrowed until it’s believed.

4) Practice LAMENT

Lament isn’t weakness; it’s worship in a minor key. Give your friend a simple frame they can pray or journal:

• L — Lay out the pain honestly: No edits; no fig leaves.
• A — Ask God for help: Name concrete requests.
• M — Move toward trust: Even if it’s “I want to trust You.”
• E — Express confidence: Recall His past faithfulness and promises.
• N — Name what you need today: Grace for the next step.
• T — Thank God for nearness: Even when you can’t feel it.

Invite them to write their own LAMENT prayer. If they’re comfortable, pray it together —aloud. This is a means of grace that trains the heart to cling to Christ in the dark.

5) When disclosure requires action

Intentional disciplers are not therapists, but we are responsible. If a friend discloses suicidal thoughts, self-harm, abuse (past or present), or intent to harm others, compassion means getting help. Say: “Thank you for trusting me. Because I care about your safety, we need to involve someone who can help.” Loop in your pastor and, when appropriate, licensed professionals and authorities. Never promise confidentiality in situations of danger. Do not diagnose; do not carry this alone. Stay prayerfully present while qualified people lead.

(Pastors: Refresh your team on local resources, crisis lines, and mandated reporting requirements. Create a clear, written pathway for lay leaders.)

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 “In the language of holiness: love restrains self to make room for the other.”

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6) What not to do in their darkness

• Don’t diagnose. Avoid assigning causes or cures; you’ll shrink the story and strain trust.
• Don’t preach at them. Scripture wielded too early can feel like a weapon. Let it be a warm blanket first.
• Don’t disappear. Quiet consistency is your testimony.
• Don’t overstep. Know when to refer; honor your lane.

James 1:19 still disciples disciplers: quick to listen, slow to speak. In the language of holiness: love restrains self to make room for the other.

7) The gift of other-centered questions

In Intentional Discipling, we train four core skills (CLAP): Curiosity, Listening, Asking other-centered open-ended questions, and Promising to be present for as long as wanted or needed. Good questions surface meaning without stealing agency. Try a few:

• “What has been hardest about this?”
• “Where did you sense God — however faintly — this week?”
• “If God could change one thing right now, what would you ask Him to change?”
• “How would you want me to pray over the next three days?”

Proverbs 20:5 says the heart’s purposes are deep waters, and a person of understanding draws them out. Question by question, the Spirit guides your friend from reaction to reflection, from chaos to communion.

8) Scripture for wounded seasons

Encourage your friend to keep a short playlist of Scriptures to pray, not just to read:

• Isaiah 53:3 — Christ, “a man of sorrows,” meets us there.
• Psalm 23:4 — The valley is real; so is His with-ness.
• 2 Corinthians 1:3–4 — Comfort received becomes comfort given.
• Romans 5:3–5 — Suffering can forge hope by the Spirit.
• Hebrews 6:19 — Hope as anchor while storms persist.

Don’t fling these as fixes. Offer them as company — texts you can linger in together, slowly.

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 “Don’t rush the doorway pain has opened. Walk through it with them — slowly, gently, faithfully.”

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9) A simple session plan you can use this week

Whether you’re a pastor, lay leader, or friend, here’s a 60–75 minute flow that fits house, café, or church office:

• Arrive unrushed (5): “I’m glad to be with you.” Pray a breath prayer together.
• Name reality (15): “Tell me the story of your week in three words.” Follow with one or two open-ended questions.
• Scripture as sanctuary (15): Read a short passage aloud (e.g., Psalm 34:18; Mark 10:46–52). Ask, “What word or phrase stands out?” Sit in silence for one minute.
• LAMENT practice (15): Write/pray through L.A.M.E.N.T. together. If they prefer, you go first.
• Next faithful step (10): “Given everything, what is one small obedience for the next 48 hours?” Make it doable.
• Prayer and presence (10): You pray first, briefly and specifically. End with: “I will text you Wednesday at 7 p.m. to check in.” Keep your word.

Repeat weekly. Healing rarely happens on a single mountaintop; it accumulates in a thousand mustard seeds of faithfulness.

A final word to the discipler:

God can and does redeem even the worst. That never makes the worst good — it means the crucified and risen One wastes nothing. In spaces around the world, this week: ordinary believers are staying in hard places with holy patience until hope catches fire. Don’t rush the doorway pain has opened. Walk through it with them — slowly, gently, faithfully. Watch Jesus meet you both there.

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