By Ruth A. Martinez Valentin
I finally get up and go to my living room, so I don’t wake up my husband. It’s 3 a.m. I grab my Bible, and I try to pray. I cry, read the Bible, and end up praying again. I read Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Three years ago, I went to the dentist and was told that I needed a crown on my tooth to preserve it. I already had a crown on another tooth, so I knew the process and agreed. As soon as the dental staff worked on my tooth, I felt pain — like a sharp, unusual pain. The dentist told me it would get better and to go home and give it time.
After two days of feeling like I had an animal biting on my cheek precisely over the crown, I called the dentist’s office and went to see her. They did X-rays and said everything looked fine. I went home, and the pain was so bad I lived on pain medication. I returned two more times to the dentist who referred me to another dentist. They all said the crown was fine, and they could see nothing wrong.
I told my dentist I would go to my primary doctor. My primary doctor listened to my story in silence and then said, “I believe what happened is that your nerve was damaged in the process of putting on the crown. It’s not unusual for this to happen. It may take years to get better or not at all.”
He said he believed I had trigeminal neuralgia and referred me to a neurologist who confirmed the diagnosis. For the next three years, I’ve been trying different nerve pain medications. Some help for a while; others don’t. I’m allergic to some, and they give me hives. Others mess with my stomach, and I can’t tolerate them.
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“I have seen so many miracles in my own life.”
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Faith and Family
I grew up in Puerto Rico with a Christian legacy of three generations. My father was a Nazarene pastor in the United States, and he served later in life as a minister in the Christian Missionary Alliance. I grew up in church, and, as a young child, I would line up my dolls and preach to them. I had no female role models of women as pastors, but I wanted to be a missionary.
I have a strong faith. I believe in the power of prayer and in miracles. I have seen so many miracles in my own life. My mother had very difficult pregnancies. She lost her first two children, and then she had my older sister. Then she had another girl.
They were extremely difficult, high-risk pregnancies. After the second girl, my mother was told she shouldn’t have any more children, so the doctor received my father’s consent to sterilize her. After the procedure, my mother felt strange. After a few months, she went back to the doctor who told her she was pregnant with me. Apparently, she was already pregnant when the sterilization took place. My parents called me their little miracle.
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“I know God can heal, and I also know that God sometimes uses our circumstances and our weakness or fragility to teach and mold us.”
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Anxiety and Medication
In 2025, my nerve medication stopped being effective. I had good days and some bad days, but my nights were still difficult. The doctor started the process of trying different medications until I started getting stomach pain and irritation. I didn’t know what to eat that I could tolerate. The doctor told me she would refer me to pain management for chronic pain and send me for an evaluation to a neurosurgeon.
That led me to my lowest point emotionally and spiritually. I know God can heal, and I also know that God sometimes uses our circumstances and our weakness or fragility to teach and mold us.
I kept asking God to speak to me during this constant pain. I started suffering from anxiety. I would wake up with my heart racing and being overwhelmed by my journey. I would get up, pray, read the Bible, and breathe. Sometimes I could feel calmer and was able to go back to bed. Other times my husband would find me in the living room reading and praying at 5 a.m.
My primary doctor suggested I try a medication for my anxiety that could also help with my pain. Being relaxed helps the nerves hurt less. The doctor suggested I take two pills, one in the morning and one at night.
This led me to a crisis. I’m a retired pastor. I was a minister in Puerto Rico for more than 30 years, and I retired and moved to San Diego eight years ago with my husband to help care for our grandchild and live next to our daughters. That’s how I found the Foundry Community Church in Escondido, California, and we felt at home and welcomed by an excellent pastoral staff and an excellent church community. We participate, and I preach occasionally, and we feel part of this English- and Spanish-speaking community.
How could I possibly take anxiety medication? Isn’t God the Lord of peace? Why couldn’t I work this out with God’s help and nothing else?
I had preached so many times about the Lord as my refuge and strength. Why did I feel weak and unable to deal with my pain?
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“In that moment where we feel weak, God is our strength.”
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God Speaks
Then God spoke to me. He reminded me of His love and of how Paul had a thorn in the flesh, and God’s grace was enough to sustain him. He only needed for me to keep trusting that God had a loving purpose in all of this.
I decided to take only one of the pills, and they worked so well I started taking the second one every day. I feel calmer and more able to deal with nights when the pain wakes me up.
In pain management class, I found a community that lives with pain and shares my journey and from whom I learn every day. I can tell others that there is hope even when you think there isn’t any, and that it’s OK to use the resources that help you deal with your situation. In that moment where we feel weak, God is our strength.
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