Rejected But Not Destroyed

By Sandra Jean Charite

I was pretty sure that in my 30s I would have acquired all the wisdom that life had to offer. Seriously, when I sit down with the older generation and they begin to tell their stories, I am motivated to get on the ball and fly into destiny.

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“The one thing I thought I would have conquered by now is how to deal with rejection.”

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Although I try not to compare myself to others, I find myself looking in the mirror and counting the blemishes that have yet to be removed. Nevertheless, the one thing I thought I would have conquered by now is how to deal with rejection.

I remember being 7 and a new student at Rivera Elementary in Orlando. On my first day of school, I walked into class and sat right next to Justin (I don’t remember his last name). Being one of the four Black kids in an all-White school, I felt privileged to sit next to Justin. After all, he was very handsome, athletic, a creative writer, wonderful artist in art class, great swimmer, and always managed to throw the ball to me when we played kickball. I had the biggest crush on Justin, so the day he smiled at me, it made my day. I went home and wrote in my journal all my feelings about Justin.

From that day on, I longed to go to school. Days when Justin needed an extra pencil, he turned to me and asked me for mine. Some days, he sat next to me at lunch, and even though he didn’t say much, his presence was all I wanted. When it was time for recess, I escaped to the swing set where Justin and I would take turns swinging each other back and forth. At this point, I believed these feelings inside this 7-year-old were mutual.

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“This was a rejection that life did not prepare me for.”

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But one day, I walked into class and my whole world fell apart. Justin had requested his seat to be moved next to Mallory (yeah, I still remember her name). They became best friends by going to lunch together, hanging out at recess, and he only threw the ball to her during kickball. I later learned that she was his girlfriend. Justin never talked to me again, and it’s like I never existed. This was a rejection that life did not prepare me for, but it happened.

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“When someone rejects us, our minds go into overdrive.”

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Rejection can have a deep, lasting impact on how you view yourself and even others. Rejection can make you feel completely awkward, unlovable and unworthy. You might become more socially anxious and avoid putting yourself out there and making new friends. You might feel stuck in your own head and struggle with a tornado of painful thoughts and emotions. When someone rejects us, our minds go into overdrive.

Rejection hurts, but being rejected by those I hold in high esteem happens to be one of the hardest things to encounter. The mentor who walked away when you needed them the most, the close friend who invites everyone to the wedding except you, the praise team leader who refuses to let you lead worship because she doesn’t like you, or your parents attending a sibling’s event but never attending yours — that can all be a lot.

Near to the Brokenhearted

Rejection sometimes means that you wanted something to go a certain way, but because of situations that were beyond your control, things did not end up going according to plan. However, the Bible says, “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken” (Psalm 34:17–20 ESV).

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“Rejection is like eating broccoli for the first time.”

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Oftentimes, when you are rejected, people are prone to tell you to “get over it,” but how can you get over something that you cannot understand? Several people in the Bible experienced rejection like Leah, Joseph, Jonathan, Tamar and even Jesus, but their purpose and destiny were far beyond the pain they endured. Honestly, it’s hard to believe that there is purpose beyond pain, because rejection is like eating broccoli for the first time. The bitter taste is hard to dissolve and stays on the tip of your tongue.

So did I learn from Justin? Well, I thought I did, but then I applied for thousands of jobs, and the rejection letters came in dozens. The boy I loved walked down the aisle with someone else. My “best friend” decided not to invite me to her wedding. The guy who promised me the world dumped me because I was a virgin. A friend, whom I trusted, unknowingly dismissed me from their life. It seemed like as the years went by, rejection rented a room in my apartment but never paid rent. Though I served rejection an eviction notice, it never left. Was it supposed to leave at all?

Learning From Experience

Ultimately, rejection hurts after you’ve jumped into the water and then realized that the temperature was cooler than you imagined, but I really thought I would have received my master’s degree in that specialty by now. One thing I’ve learned is you cannot sit in the rejection, but it’s important to learn from the experience.

What boundaries do you need to set to avoid or limit yourself from being hurt by a certain experience or person again? Rejection will still come. However, by focusing on Jesus, the things that used to hurt you won’t impact you the same anymore.

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