Whatever: A Testimony

By Pam Cowart

The beginning of a new year is a critical turning point and one in which John Wesley led the Methodist societies in a time of self-examination, reflection and dedication, wholly giving up themselves and renewing covenant with God.

Often practiced in churches for a New Year’s Eve Watchnight service or on the first Sunday of the new year, it is a powerful release for a church to remember who is Lord. (A wonderful resource to learn and experience this service is a “Seedling” from Seedbed Publishing called “Watchnight: John Wesley’s Covenant Renewal Service.”)

I carry a copy of John Wesley’s Covenant Prayer in my journal wherever I go. I have for decades. It stays with me not because I live it wholly, but I want this to be my holy wholly life truth. This prayer calls me to proper posture of surrender. It measures and weighs my degree of release. It liberates me from myself, my selfishness and insistence on my own way. Most of all, it solidifies my identity in Christ. The vulnerability of this prayer’s surrender can feel like stepping off solid ground into the void. The truth is I step off sinking sand and onto the rock of my identity in Christ. The prayer is capped at the beginning and end with the declared fact that I am held … I belong … I am His. The first line covers me: “I am not my own. I am Yours alone.” The last line roots me: “You are mine, and I am Yours. So be it.”

Bishop Keith and I planted a church together in 1997 that was our flock for 21 years. Our friends, family, ministry and life were centered around the mission Jesus had for us in Christ Community Church. We did not desire another ministry, yet Bishop David Roller, in his wisdom, let Keith know his leadership gifts may be needed in other areas of the denomination.

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“It was a huge decision, but I began to see how my life could play out on a new path if God called.”

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Superintendent roles were coming open in the years ahead, and Keith might be considered. We prayed about this with tears, heartache and putting all our biases on the altar. We did not want to leave Christ Community, but, in Keith’s ordination vows, he agreed to serve where he was asked to serve. Vision began to grow in our hearts of taking what God had taught us in pastoral ministry to serve a group of pastors and churches through superintendency. It was a huge decision, but I began to see how my life could play out on a new path if God called. We began a two-year transition out of Christ Community.

Awakening to Whatever

The Sunday we announced our decision to the church family was beautiful. We knew we were doing it right by not leaping out but taking a slow offramp while the new lead pastor would start the onramp. I was proud of us as a church. I was proud of Keith and me as a ministry couple. I was proud of myself for surrendering. My Father God was setting me up for a lesson. I was teed up with my knees bent at the altar.

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“Whatever may come, I am Yours!”

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That Sunday night was the beginning of a call to awakening and a week of prayer. Christ Community had begun each year with this practice from its birth — a week of listening to God’s plan for the coming year, not just as staff leaders, but the whole community coming together in worship, fasting and prayer. I knelt at the altar that night while the worship team led us in a song with these words, “Come do whatever You want to. Further and further my heart moves away from the shore. Whatever it looks like, whatever may come, I am Yours!” I was all in in — kneeling, eyes closed, hands turned up and open, tears welling, singing, “Whatever may come, I am Yours!”

Then God — yes, God — asked me a question right then and there. His still but not small voice cut through my worship with this question: “What about bishop?” My eyes popped open, my hands shut into clenched fists, and my heart cried, “No!”

Please hear me here. Serving as bishop was not on the radar. This had not been an option in my prayers. We had three amazing bishops. The call was to be able to work under their leadership. I had witnessed “bishop life” from the sidelines and the amazing work of all our bishops. Bishop David and Yvonne Roller were my spiritual covering. They knocked “bishoping” out of the park! I saw their lifestyle of massive travel, problem solving, vision casting, seated in front rows, lack of consistent life rhythms, distance from family, and my response was to pray for them!

Back at the altar, God followed my “no” with a stinging correction: “Then don’t kneel here saying ‘whatever’ if you don’t mean whatever.”

School of Whatever

The Fatherhood of God can be comforting but it can also be correcting. This word whatever became the name of God’s school for me in the following months and years. I saw the word everywhere; in the Bible, books, songs and even on literal signs! One popped up larger than life a few years later as I sat slumped at an Indianapolis International Airport gate after our interview with — you guessed it — the Bishops Search Committee.

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“Have you ever heard God laugh? Have you ever heard Him laugh at you?”

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You might think I had surrendered this issue back at that altar. Nope. I knew God was trying to get my attention. I knew He had exposed my pride of thinking I was surrendered. I knew He wanted my “whatever” to mean whatever! I didn’t know He was going to take it so far!

The huge sign hanging from the airport ceiling caught my eye. It read, “Preparation for whatever comes next.”  Have you ever heard God laugh? Have you ever heard Him laugh at you? I heard it. I got it. I didn’t think it was so funny.

The most profound whatever popped up as I did a Google search for John Wesley’s Covenant Prayer. I was looking for a nice graphic version to print for a friend. My jaw dropped when up popped an image of a version of this prayer titled “WHATEVER.” Someone had taken the prayer and translated it into the following words:

WHATEVER

I am no longer my own, but Yours and Yours alone.

Use me for whatever You will, place me with whomever You will.

Appoint me to do whatever You want or suffer whatever You ask.

Let me be employed wherever, set aside whenever, lifted up however, or humbled forever.

Let me be full, let me be empty,

Let me have whatever or nothing whatsoever.

I freely and willingly surrender whatsoever I have or am

To Your pleasure and will.

And now, awesome and loving God;

Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

You are mine and I am Yours – Whatever!

And may this vow, which I have taken here on earth, sound loud and clear

until there echoes through heaven the sound of Your “Amen.”

When anyone asked about the state of my being, I handed them one of the hundreds of cards I made with this prayer including a picture of open, upturned, empty hands. I asked them to pray it with me and for me. My “School of Whatever” is not near over. The bishop role was just one thing — a thing God exposed in me which had a “no” attached, clenched fists and a desire to have my own way.

What is yours? Dare you ask God to show you, to expose what needs to be yielded? Will you apply to God’s School of Whatever? I don’t think there is a graduation, but He will lower us into maturation. You are His, and He is Yours – Whatever! 

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