By Ruth A. Martinez Valentin
During my life, at different times that felt like crossroads moments that defined my journey, I felt the Lord leading me. With a clear voice that gave me peace in what I should do, God spoke even if I didn’t understand His plan. I had learned to recognize His voice and answer yes. That day I told my daughter, “Dad’s retired. I’m at an age where I can retire. We will move to San Diego and help you and your family.”
After we finished talking on the phone, my husband and I talked for a while. My husband has been my biggest supporter, and he had learned to follow God’s voice as I had.
“Are you sure of this?” he asked. “You have been a senior pastor at this church for 22 years. We have family and friends here. This is our country. It will mean leaving everything we know.”
“I feel God speaking to me,” I told him. “If this is God’s will, someone will buy our house and everything we have, and it will be a smooth transition.”
When the time came for us to leave, we sold our home, cars and furniture. I had spent six months preparing the church and saying goodbye to our friends and family. We knew we were in God’s will.
Retiring from ministry (or any job) can be a difficult time or decision even when we know it is God’s will. It can be difficult even if you are sure the time has come, but you don’t know what it will mean in your life.
I want to share some things I’ve learned in this process for me and my family. I not only retired from over 30 years of ministry in the American Baptist Churches in Puerto Rico. I moved to a different country, with a different culture and language. My husband and I felt led to be part of the Foundry Community Church in Escondido, California. We became members of the Free Methodist Church. From our first visit to the Foundry Community Church, we knew that’s where God wanted us.
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“Retiring from ministry (or any job) can be a difficult time or decision even when we know it is God’s will.”
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I left a denomination I loved and where I had participated since I was in my early 20s. It was hard for me, but I’ve learned so much. I’ve been so blessed, and I know we are in the right place.
Trust and Wait
No matter how hard it is to decide when the time is right, trust and wait on the Lord. He will lead you, and He never makes a mistake. This doesn’t mean you won’t experience grief or doubt, but the certainty that God is with you — and you are doing His will — is what sustains you.
After we moved to San Diego and I retired, the first thing I realized was how burned out I was. I loved the ministry. I knew it was what God had called me to do, but I realized I had failed to take care of myself and give my family members the time they deserved. It was funny to realize this, because I was a preacher’s kid who had delayed my entry into ministry till our kids were older, because I didn’t want them to experience what I had. For a long time, I felt that the church robbed us of quality family time.
The church absorbs us. There is so much to do, and it requires so much of us.
I felt many times pulled by the need to do my best as a pastor but recognized that my husband and three kids also deserved the best of me. I also needed time for me — for my own dreams, to rest, to renew spiritually and grow.
Martha: Doing Instead of Being
But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:40–42)
I had been Martha for so long — doing for the Lord instead of being with the Lord.
A Balanced Life
The second thing I learned was that I needed a balanced life and that, in my retirement, I could still serve the Lord and dedicate time to myself and my family.
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“I had been Martha for so long — doing for the Lord instead of being with the Lord.”
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I had to leave many things behind, and I learned to treasure what is important. That was hard. I had things, books that were meaningful to me, but sending things from Puerto Rico to San Diego became too expensive. I think everyone should declutter their lives at least once and give away things while only keeping what is truly important. I realized only God, my husband, my family and my faith are not replaceable in my life.
Even the church, the denomination and the style of worship can change, but God doesn’t change. At 70 years old, I’m still learning and growing.
When I told my church in Puerto Rico — the First Baptist Church of Humacao — that I was retiring, many tried to convince me to stay. I felt such a bond with the church that I worried about them and what would happen.
The Church Is God’s
The third thing I learned is that the church is God’s and not ours. What God decides to do, He will do — if not through you, then through others. And guess what? Eight years later, the church is fine. It is thriving and growing. The only one who is irreplaceable in the church is God’s Holy Spirit.
I now know that God moved us because our family needed us, but also because, if we had stayed at home, I would probably have fallen into the same bad habits of overdoing and not living a balanced life.
I’m so thankful I found a church in Escondido where I can serve, preach and worship at my rhythm — with time for my husband, kids and grandkids and with time to nourish my spirit without the phone ringing or without having to go on Christmas Day to attend to a family crisis.
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“What God decides to do, He will do — if not through you, then through others.”
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Do I miss the pastoral ministry? Yes, I do. But I’m still a minister. I still can be useful and can be a blessing to others.
Best of all, I can sit, learn and listen to others. I can know that this is a new time for my family and me.
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