Trust the Driver

By Jill Richardson

I’d just successfully navigated spaghetti junction on I-35 through Minneapolis and pointed the minivan north. Heavy snow blew on the roadside, 2 feet deep. The highway, however, had been plowed well after the previous night’s storm, so I cruised home from church doing 60, still slow in the right lane compared to everyone else, with our two little babies in the backseat, one fast asleep.

We cruised until, without warning, the right lane wasn’t plowed. Our Caravan hit the hard snow at full speed and began a terrifying, uncontrollable dance. We careened across all five lanes, seesawing back and forth from right to left shoulder a half dozen times. Each time we veered toward the ditch, I was certain the van was going to hit it and roll. Then we shot back onto the road, and I had equal certainty we would be hit by three or four other cars. It was I-35 in the city, and it was always busy.

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“… it was a prayer from that place of panic where you know no one else can help you.”

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I remember hearing myself shriek “Jesus” over and over. It wasn’t a cuss — it was a prayer from that place of panic where you know no one else can help you. It was a plea to save my babies.

Eventually, the car stopped on the right shoulder, a 180-degree turn from the direction I had been driving. I looked up, and a wall of cars drove toward me — cars that had not been there when we’d been sashaying across the lanes. I sat, shaking, and muttering “Thank you, Jesus,” unable to move.

Then I heard a call from the back seat.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can we do that again?”

I looked back. The baby still slept, oblivious to her near miss. Becca, age 2, looked at me from her car seat with her crooked grin. “That was fun! Can we do it again?”

No Worries

I’ve pondered her reaction so many times since, when the road I’ve been on seemed slippery or dangerous — if not physically, then at least emotionally.

Not for one moment did Becca feel frightened or even concerned. She went along for the ride, letting it take her wherever it would. She never thought her mama wouldn’t do what her mama had always done — get her home safely. The roller coaster ride was just a perk.

She didn’t worry because she trusted the driver completely.

I wish I had the faith in my Father that my child had in her mama.

Resurrection Life

“This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike, ‘What’s next, Papa?’” (Romans 8:15 MSG) 

Or perhaps it greets God with a childlike, “Can we do that again?” This resurrection life recognizes that the forecast for our days can dump serious snow and ice. Yet our resurrection response learns to be expectant: “What do you have for me next? Where are we going from here?” We do this even on the days when we fear what might, in fact, be next.

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“It began in the Garden of Eden when we ran from our Maker.”

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“Fear not” is the most common word from God in the Bible, but fear is also perhaps the most common human emotion. It began in the Garden of Eden when we ran from our Maker. It wraps us in its unyielding cords when we dare to hope for change. It drives much of our individual relationships and our national conversation too. The fact that God reassures us with those two words — “fear not! I’ve got this!” shows us the depth of love the Creator has.

I don’t know why it feels sometimes like my life hits hard-packed snow, or hydroplanes out of control, or (yes) rolls over a skunk that makes everything stink all the way home. I do know that when those things terrify me, it often means I’ve grabbed the wheel and accepted the illusion that I’m driving the car, I’m in control, and it all depends on me.

The strange thing is while control makes us feel like we should be less afraid, it really makes us more so. We know that if we’re in control, the only option is to grip the wheel harder and power through. We naturally grasp for more control when it starts to slip, and fear begins to whisper in our ear.

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“Giving over control to God is the only way we can embrace the peace that it is not all up to us.”

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Yet we’re more afraid when we think we’re in control because we know if it all depends on us, we’re sunk! Grabbing for more control isn’t the answer. Giving over control to God is the only way we can embrace the peace that it is not all up to us. In a paradox only Jesus could initiate, giving over control gives us peace while grabbing the wheel offers nothing but more fear.

What if I chose to trust that God knows what’s going on? I could, if not exactly enjoy the ride, at least buckle up and trust that a knowledge and skill greater than mine will bring me to the end of the ride. It’s not easy when we’re careening. That’s why it’s so important to prepare our hearts to be steady before the blizzard.

• When anxiety hits over hurtful relatives: “I can’t control a thing they say or do. God, please control the things I say and do as a result. I expect you will guard my heart against any darts aimed at it.”
• When a child leaves home, for an evening, a week, or a lifetime: “God, I can’t control what happens to her today. Please control my imagination. I expect your love that is greater than mine to cover her.”
• When money doesn’t look like it will last until the next paycheck: “God, I can’t control taxes or wages. Please control my dissatisfaction. I trust you to carry me through as you always have.”

Of course, I’m talking about standard fears common to all people — the hazards we all wish didn’t exist or worries about the future we all want to control. What I’m not talking about is medical anxiety with which many people are legitimately diagnosed. Of course, our thought life matters there as well, but so do therapy and medicine. No one with intrusive thoughts should feel bullied and less faithful because they can’t mentally muster this kind of release.

A lot has happened in my life about which I know I will never ask God, “Can we do it again?” Yet the good God has created out of those circumstances also compels me to say, “What’s next, Papa? I’m buckled in.”

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